Previously...
(3 minutes reading time)
It’s been 2 years 6 months 15 days since my last post. And a lot of pretty significant things have happened in that time. Not going to wallow in this triumphant and glorious (plus much anticipated by no one) return to blogging, but instead focus on the positive.
GDS is still awesome
Well I’ve been at GDS for the past 2 years and 6 months, and in that time helped make this wonderful thing. People seem pretty pleased. It feels awesome every time I hear the love for it and the impact this thing has had on a lot of people.
I’m a Londoner again
OK it was as a result of major drama, but the outcome is that I’m in an awesome flat in a leafy bit of of South East London. I have Central London on my doorstep. I have a pretty good daily commute. I get to see the best exhibitions, eat the best food (that I can afford) that London has to offer. London, the coolest city.
I am slowly building a network of my own friends here. Not people who are parents whom I have not only nothing in common with, but are totally awful, duplicitous people.
Plus now I live near family.
Tech leading
I got to try out being a tech lead sometimes. And then I did it for a whole quarter and we shipped a thing this week. A thing that went onto half a million pages. Huh.
Took up Jeet Kune Do
Since moving to London I’d stopped Wing Chun. I was looking around for a new class. I was feeling reticent and anxious about taking up lessons in a new school. All of the things I’ve learned, the ways I’ve adapted, developed my Wing Chun, would have been drastically altered. I know I still have so much to learn from it. But I didn’t want to take a step back and start again.
Then a friend at work invited me along to a JKD class he helps teach. It felt like the right, friendly nudge I needed so I tried it out. I liked it overall. OK I hate boxing. Hate it. I am slow. I hate getting hit. I’m not one for going in for an attack. I have no idea what’s going on. But Brazilian Jiu Jitsu, which I’ve always wanted to learn but was fearful of damaging my already messed up back, I absolutely love. I am a total newbie, but if I was going to have to start again anyway it might as well be in something completely fresh. And I get to work on the areas where I don’t feel comfortable.
But most importantly to me, they are all such kind and friendly people there. Yet more people I feel I can connect with.
So I have a few more friends.
Working to find me
So here’s the thing as well. I spend a lot of time by myself. I had been doing so anyway, but with big, dark things I’ve been running away from which eventually caught me out. And I think I’m getting used to my own company. I don’t hate it. Sometimes I quite enjoy it. I know I don’t always have to be alone either. I can have fun. I can make the effort too to connect. And slowly, I’m getting to a better place.
But I think the point isn’t about eventually getting to a good place. It’s about taking those steps. Because steps are what take you away from the past. The past that never really goes away. “Time is a healer”. That’s the shittest phrase ever (when you’re in a really bad place). And it’s not actually true. It’s a half truth. Because you can’t just wait for things to magically get better.
You have to work for it.